Son, you cannot be obedient “enough ” to win my favor, earn my love, or accomplish anything meaningful. It's not possible.
I give freely. From Grace and Faithfulness I give.
You're right; your motives have been wrongly placed. Partly because of spiritual immaturity and partly because of evil desires. Not evil in the desire to do wrong, but evil in the desire to do your will rather than mine.
My will is perfect. Yours never has been and never will be.
2 Samuel 22:31 NIV
 “As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.
Isaiah 25:1 NIV
 Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.
It's not that what you're seeking is less fulfilling; it's actually unfulfilling.
Being fulfilled is not a temporary position or condition; it's a reality only I can give you and it's permanent- not temporary. Only I can give you the fulfillment you're longing for, desiring to grasp.
All other, yes, ALL, other routes to fulfillment are like dust in the wind. Here one second and gone he next. It's like a breath; in and out and gone.
What you truly desire is a God-given state of fulfillment. It's knowing and doing my good and perfect will.
Romans 12:2 NIV
 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
My will is perfect, yours is not. My will is eternal, yours is but a moment; temporary.
Seek my will and find true fulfillment. All other ways will leave you less than fulfilled and desiring more. The more only I can give you.